We will Continue to Celebrate with Her

Last June 26th, I was driving home :) I always loved driving home, always excited to see what the weekend would bring. This particular weekend was going to be special. I hadn't celebrated a birthday at home in five years. I also had not celebrated a birthday with my niece for several years, I had lost count. (My cute niece was born on my birthday when I was ten, ever since then, birthdays have been extra special).

I had been awaiting this weekend at home with great anticipation-- getting to be with my siblings, my nieces and nephew, my dad and Kristi, and especially my sweet mom. Any of you that I've talked to lately, have probably heard me say at least once, birthdays are not a big deal, but my mom made them a huge deal. Always. She made them special, no matter what age you were turning. I can recall her making this extraordinary birthday cake for my dad one year. She spent hours working on this cake. It was layer, upon layer, upon layer. It was a pretty tall birthday cake :) And she topped the whole thing off with raspberries. It was beautiful. Or when my sister was little, she was obsessed with Sesame Street. My mom made her a Snuffleupagus cake. If I would have asked her to make me a Little Mermaid birthday cake, she would have done it in a heartbeat. This just shows who my mom was. I was excited to finally spend another birthday with her.

As I drove up my street, for the millionth time in my life, the first thing that typically came to my mind was a hug from my mom, next would be attacked and loved by the dogs. I couldn't wait. The sun was shining, it was hotter than ever (because it's Medford), the neighbors were out helping my mom's yard look pretty for her family. They had been such a blessing, helping my mom out when she was not feeling well. I got the big hug I wanted and had been waiting for from my momma. Ollie and Bella, our chocolate lab and weimaraner, did their usual whine and excited jumping, as I walked in the door. It was good to be home.

As ridiculous as it sounds, my mom has put streamers up on my bedroom door to wake up to on birthday mornings, since I was a little girl. My niece, Lillie, and I woke up to streamers that morning on the 27th. :) It was a great day of celebrating. Believe it or not, I have missed summer days in Medford. I don't miss the hot heat, by any means. But I miss walking into our house, with the air conditioner cranked up, and my mom cooking in the kitchen. It was one of her great loves. She loved to cook, she loved to cook for her kids, and she was great at it too :) That night she made one of my favorite birthday dinners-- flank steak and her amazing potato salad that we all loved. And for birthday cake- some sort of pound cake with lemon and lemon shavings on top. She went all out. She always did.

It seems like yesterday I was driving home, awaiting that hug from my mom and to celebrate with family. Who would have thought that my mom would not be here a year later. I cannot say how thankful I am that I got to spend that birthday with my mom. Birthdays showed who my mom was, and still is.

I have never missed someone more than anything in the entire world. Inevitably, birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, will have something missing. I am excited though to get creative. To ask myself, how would she celebrate? How can we honor her? She would not want her kids mourning her death, but to move on with her legacy. She would not want anything, but to bless us with pure joy during these special days. I am so very thankful. I am sure that my siblings can attest to the fact that we were blessed immensely to have such a selfless mom...and we still are. Her love and legacy will continue on.

"From Sunday to Sunday: Sharpies to Heaven"

Six months and one week ago: I called my mom freaking out that a sharpie pen exploded all over my clothes and my dryer.

Six months ago today, on a Sunday: My mom, my best friend, went to be with Jesus.

I can't help but get teared-filled eyes-- of joy, of Love, of countless blessings, mourning the loss of one of my dearest loves, and the excitement that fills me more and more every day-- that one day we will meet again in Heaven, with our sweet Jesus.

I can't help but think of those last precious hours spent with my mom. Finding out at 1230pm that we wouldn't be taking my mom home, but she would be going to her real and greater Home in Heaven, was an indescribable. I thought I was dreaming. It was the end of the world, as I knew it. Questioning my big brother over and over again: "How are we going to make it through this?" And instead of waiting for him to answer, I answered quickly for him, "We can't go on without her, we can't, there's no way we can". It was in that split second, it crossed my mind: my mom is joining Jesus today. My mom is entering the Kingdom of Heaven. What a gift. No weeping, no hurt, no pain, no suffering, no sickness. It's all swept away. She was going to be held in the arms of our dear Lord. And at that moment, I could not help but feel great peace.

I'll never forget putting on those scrubs and mask and walking in that hospital room. My mom probably would have hated anyone seeing her the way she was. I could just picture her telling all of us to leave the room :) To the rest of us, she looked like a true angel. An angel that was put through years of craziness with her four children, but no matter what, was our rock, put us before herself all the time, and reminded us daily of what was right and what was true. My mother's love was an honorable example of Christ's Love for all of His children...and I will repeat myself over and over: we were blessed. We are blessed.

We were being prepared in those next few hours. Some get years of knowing that their life would soon be ending, some get months, some get less than 24 hours, and some get no time at all to prepare for what may come. Nevertheless, it's something one cannot ever prepare their mind and heart for. Someone can pray to God daily, to ask for preparation. The Lord can comfort those in mourning a loss or a loss that is to come, but that void, inevitably, is there, as though part of you is missing.

Though she wasn't awake, we were confident that our mom still was listening to every word. That last time I walked into her room, I was with my amazing and stronger than ever sister-in-law. We held my mom's hand, we patted her leg, and every breath she took was such a gift from God.

The last time I spoke to my mom, the tears left, and a wave of confidence filled that room. It was not me, by any means, but the Holy Spirit speaking right through. So confident that our Lord had prepared a beautiful and unfathomable place for her in His Kingdom. A place of rest, no worry, no pain, where she would be renewed. New legs, new feet, a new body, a new life. This was only the beginning.

We could not be sad for our mom :) Psalm 30:11 "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing..."

When my mom passed at 5:13pm that Sunday afternoon, peace overflowed through my body. I pictured my mom saying, "I have no more pain, no more tears, I am with our Creator- the One who gives us a future and a hope. Being held by Him fills me up more than ever before. I am more than okay, Jenna, and how I love you so-".

I have never seen my mom look more peaceful than she did after she passed away. A part of me went missing that day. I could no longer call my mom and vent to her about something as superficial as sharpies. I could no longer call her at the end of the day, every day, and ask her how her day had been. I would no longer celebrate another birthday with her. I would no longer open presents with her around the Christmas tree (or eat her clam chowder she made every year on Christmas Eve).

There is a big but with this! Our mom is celebrating in Heaven. Praise God she doesn't work anymore! Praise God she gets to celebrate Christmas in Heaven-- what a glorious picture! Glory be to God :)

Last night, while I was working at Starbucks, one of my favorite regulars came in. Every night he comes in and gets a quad venti latte, just for his wife. I asked him how his week had been and he looked at me and said, "Jenna, it's been a really tough week". He then continued and said, "I lost my father this week". My heart went heavy for him- I asked him how old his dad was. He said, "He was 95. He lived a long and great life. We even got to go to Spirit Mountain to gamble the day before he passed". Then he looked at me again and started crying and said, "But Jenna, even though he was 95, I miss him more than anything in the world". I looked at him with my teary eyes and said, "Of course you do". I told him that I lost my mom 6 months ago today. I did not tell him to take away from any of his pain. I don't tell anyone in hopes they feel sorry or saddened for me and my brother and sisters. I can only pray that those are who suffering are comforted. Those that are hurting are given a glimpse of hope. Those who may not know Jesus, will see what His Good News brings. He responded by saying, "I can't imagine losing a parent in my 20's-- I'm 65 years old and losing my dad has been one of the hardest things imaginable". I was thankful for that moment last night. Realizing again, that no matter what age you are, there is still great pain in the loss of someone so dear. I am not alone. He is not alone. We walk together through these hills and valleys.

The Future Glory- Romans 8:18-28:
18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children,[a] including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope[b] for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[c] in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[d] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.